This just in!! The transcript;
CNN Host; We have House Speaker Ryan on the line. Can you hear me Speaker Ryan
Ryan; I can hear you. Can you hear me?
CNN; We hear you.
Ryan; Good – we hear each other.
CNN; Speaker Ryan – do u have a comment – any comment – on the accidental situation where a middle eastern man must have been texting when he ran over more than 20 ppl on a bridge in London just a while ago.
Ryan; Yes. Tragic accident. We all know – and I want to say that your viewers are among the most informed on the planet – that Islam is the Religion of Peace.
CNN; Yes we know.
Ryan; As I said – your viewers are among the most informed…..on the Planet!
CNN; Would you say it’s THE most peaceful religion on planet Earth?
Ryan; Well – certainly it is extremely peaceful. I’ll go so far as to say that there is no other more peaceful religion on our planet.
CNN; Speaker Ryan – you told me “off air” that you spoke with Nancy Pelosi and Senator Schumer. What did they say sir?
Ryan; Oh yes…Yes!! Well, we were in the Joint House club in the hot tub, and Ricky – he’s our “dreamer” butler (Nancy likes to say “Dreamy” – Hahaha) – he was bringing us all Mojito’s – and just before he said ‘Excuse me, your Royal-nesses’ – Nan’ – I call her Nan’ – Nan’ says ‘Isn’t it wonderful having all these wonderful members of the Religion of Peace here in America?’
CNN; Excuse me….
Ryan; Nan’ said…
CNN; No – no – Speaker Ryan – u don’t understand. That is just SOOOoooo beautiful – the way u said it – that I couldn’t help but shedding a tear – right here on National Cable TV – in front of the most highly informed viewers on the PLANET.
Ryan; That is so beautiful. If u don’t stop – u are going to bring tears to MY eyes – right here in front of the world’s most informed viewers. Even Lurch was saying…
Ryan; Oh sorry – it’s a little nickname for John Kerry due to his uncanny likeness to that character called “Lurch” on the Munsters.
CNN; Ha! Oh that’s just sooo adDORable!
Ryan; Well – thanks? Anyway – John Kerry was just saying – in the hot tub with a Mai Tai – that Islam is the religion of Peace…
CNN; There it is – see? What more needs to be said?
Ryan; As the kids say, “For Realz’ – right?
CNN; Oh that is just so – so – up-to-date of you Speaker Ryan.
CNN; Speaker Ryan – there are reports of stabbings, too, in London by this member of the Religion of Peace…..
Ryan; Well – sorry to interupt u – but everyone can have a bad day. Perhaps he saw someone drawing a cartoon of Mohamed? That could certainly explain it – and it would be perfectly justified under the new legislation I hope to get through the House next week. I hope my counterparts in our one-world-government – I mean the UK – consider the same….
CNN; Oh do tell, Speaker Ryan. Our viewers – the MOST informed on planet EARTH – would love to hear about it…
Ryan; Well – I’m glad u asked. It’s called “The Offenders of the Religion of Peace Act” – and it basically will say that if any member of Islam commits a violent act – or murder – that it will be considered an Act of Justified Retribution if it happens due to a slight against Islam – the religion of Peace.
CNN; Oh that sounds SOOOO needed right now.
Ryan; It really is. I mean – just imagine if we bring in 10 million or 20 million Muslim migrants into this country. We just CAN’T risk offending these people and then getting a few dozen to a few hundred American citizens killed because of some INTOLERANT American beast…and we both know that it would likely be one of those Christian Americans.
CNN; Oh – OH! Don’t OUR viewers know it! Well – Speaker Ryan – what would u say to a critic of your legislation that – well – any Islamic person committing an act of violence or murder could say “Oh I saw something that offended Islam and it just set me off”…..
Ryan; Let me stop u right there; we’ll ask the Islamic practitioner of the Religion of Peace who was charged with the violent act what motivated him. Nan’ says we have a whole team of attorneys that will help these victims – and lets face it – these Muslims who commit violent acts or murder – they – THEY – are the true victims here…
CNN; Speaker Ryan – may I say – you are so wise – but there’s a certain sadness to your wisdom.
Ryan; I have heard that before – but thank you.
CNN; Well – Speaker Ryan – I’d like to thank u for taking a break from your hot tub activities with the other Royal-nesses.
Ryan; Good to be with you.
Tags; Paul Ryan, Nancy Pelosi, CNN, London Terror